not fair

as many of you know, i am never serious on my blog, this will be one of the rare times.

because i can't talk about it (i just cry) i'm going to blog about it. cause most of my friends read this, and it'll just be more clear and easy.

i went to see my mom today. danielle came with (thanks d). she was still in emerg, because the hope hospital sucks, and although they do have a hospice (for cancer patients) my mom wasn't allowed in. if she's contagious, they don't want people with weak immune systems having contact with her. it makes sense to me. the hope hospital has basically closed down, except for emerg and the hospice and the long-term care houses. the good news is, she got a private room. the bad news is there's no toilet paper in her washroom.

the scoop is, she either has a lung infection, or the cancer has spread to her lungs...we should know more tomorrow. her white blood cells are super low, and instead of cancer in one hip, it's now in both. and she's in so much pain that she is on a fairly steady dose of morphine. right now she can't walk, but the emerg doctor said once she gets used to the morphine and after some radiation it's possible that she will be able to.

seeing my mom so weak and in pain and out of it was horrible. i'm glad her friend carol is there. she is a fierce woman and loves my mom.

my current mood: i don't think it's fair that my dad died when i was in high school, and now i'm pissed that my mom is so sick.

i really really really won't be able to talk about this in person or over the phone. but i know that most of you have met my mom and think she's really cool...the apple doesn't fall far and all that. :o)

as i said, i will know more tomorrow and will probably see her again on tuesday after work. d's with me now. we went to the olive garden with ian for comfort food, and to ignore shit for a while. i've made banana muffins and am back on chocolate.