my grandpa passed away on tuesday. he was 93, almost 94. so i'm really torn about the whole thing, which i guess is true for anyone when someone they love dies. i have no reason to feel like "it was too early", "why did this happen to him", "couldn't the doctors do something else for him". there was no injustice, only nature.
i got to talk to him on monday... well, my aunt held the phone up to his ear and he opened his eyes when i told him i love him.
i'm really happy ian and i stopped in elko to visit when we were on the way home from lake tahoe. he was very tired then, and it seemed like he was just waiting.
i know this is really weird, but i don't have the guilt normally associated with me and death. i don't know if this circumstance is different, or if i'm learning; i feel like i visited him as much as i could and that i got to see him quite a bit, the last ten years, considering the distance. well, maybe there's a little bit of guilt about not being in canada, cause then i could have whipped down to see him. normally it's way worse though. i'm upset and sad, for sure, but i also feel like he had been so active and independant for 90 years, he would have hated to think of himself without all his facilities, which is what happened for the last few years.
he was ready. bye grandpa.
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