My friend had been posting for a couple of weeks about these migraines he'd been having. Apparently, he thought they were from Pepsi Max. Everyone (including me, because I'm basically an expert on cleanses and withdrawal from food items, although my caffeine withdrawal knowledge is all second-hand) was making recommendations. You know, drink plenty of water,ween off it with green tea first, try these smoothies, blah blah blah.
Nothing was working for him, and then he posted that he decided to go to the hospital (since his partner is a GP, I allowed myself a bit of more serious concern). So, hours and an MRI later, he's been diagnosed with a mass in his head. Decisions will be made tomorrow, but I'm so freaking upset/sad/weepy/disillusioned/angry/self-pitying.
Okay, let me be clear, no, 100%, this is not about me. Well, this blog is, but this event is not. That said, when something so shit balls happens, and it's happening to a friend that you admire and love, it feels like it is kinda about you. It's about the potential struggle and challenges that are bound to happen. About how you want to be there, holding their hand for every difficulty, but since that could be weird, and slightly impractical, you have to try to use words to articulate that you'd bring them a casserole, or a Dairy Queen cake with, 'Superjob' written on it, or maybe even a pie.
This is also when I feel like this shit isn't fair. I feel like I'm not ready for friends to go through this. I'm not ready for this at all. I resent disease/sickness, because I've already seen enough. I also resent that it's been ages since I last saw him & his family, and the guilt that comes with that knowledge.
So yeah, I know this isn't about me, but it's about a part of me that's my friend. And for now, I set aside my own fears, and we focus on his. Stay strong buddy, we're thinking of you & sending loads of hugs & squishes. You have a lot of responsibility; I'm expecting an amazing recovery. xo
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